


Bad Trip

by LittleSweetCheeks



Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: Drugs, Gen, Prompt Fill (I think)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27109144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: She didn't recognize the man who gave her the delicious gift.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I *think* this is a prompt fill?

The box of chocolates found its way to her hands through a man she didn’t recognize at a formal even in Egypt. She’s not sure where her staff had gone and something in the back of her mind niggled that that’s odd now, to be left on her own, but she kept it together enough to remain gracious for the generous gift.

Finishing another small chocolate, she washed it down with her wine and scanned the room from her spot by the wall. These dinners had always bothered her, especially when she was the focus of the evening, but now… Now they carried an extra weight of worry.

Would some guest ask the wrong question and make her heart race? Would someone be wearing the cologne Fred had worn and make her head swim? Would a sudden noise startle her and make her gasp for breath?

Her staff no longer left her alone, always sure one of them was at her side and within arm’s reach and that was fine by her. Small talk with strangers had always left her drained even on her best day and having one of them to turn to, to lean on, it kept her anxiety at bay.

They often lived in a bit of a world of their own, the six of them, with their own small jokes and glances. They were like a middle school clique; the notion tugged a smile along her lips.

The evening had started as they always did now, with her in one SUV alongside Nadine and Blake while the others rode separately. She’d had headphones in, soft music playing that didn’t quite cover the soft words the pair had shared back and forth. Her eyes had been kept closed as she’s focused on the music, but she’d still been able to hear Nadine confirming with Blake that he had her bottle of pills tucked in his jacket pocket. She hadn’t wanted to hear them, never did, it was another reminder that she was broken and needed their help to fool the world.

Drawing a shaking breath back into the present, she let her eyes track around the mass of people milling about in formalwear. Standing alone made her feel exposed, vulnerable. It worried her that she’d become so dependent on having someone at her side. Perhaps she was more broken than she’d thought. Taking another chocolate from the box, she savored the unique flavor as it melted.

Her staff though, her friends if she was honest, never treated her as if she were broken. They never sent pitying looks her way or acted as if she was an inconvenience. In the SUV, they had simply let her be until they’d arrived. Then it was Nadine’s hand that landed softly on her arm, drawing her attention as her eyes opened. She’d tugged the earbuds free from her ears and had passed the phone over the seat, leaving it to Blake to sort out and tuck away as she’d followed Nadine to the sidewalk where the others had been already waiting. Even on her worst day, she knew she could count on them to stand beside her.

It was somewhere after the meal that, blessedly, she’d been allowed to enjoy seated at the same table as them, that she’d found herself without her chaperones. She was a perfectly capable adult, thank you very much, fourth in line to the presidency and everything, she didn’t need her hand held. But as the chocolate was washed down with another mouthful of wine, her heart raced just the tiniest bit as her mind reminded her that she did need them. They were really the ones making her capable these days.

She was a quarter through the box before Daisy appeared at her side, looking her over for signs of a problem as they all did. She figured she must be putting on a convincing act if it was Daisy who was sent as she wasn’t one of the ones who handled her personal crises, only the media fallout from them.

“Where did you get chocolates?” Daisy asked, curious.

Elizabeth shrugged. “Someone brought them for me.” She popped another in her mouth.

The small smile Daisy was wearing faded slightly. “Who?”

“I didn’t catch his name.”

There was a nod and then the real question. “How are you doing?”

They were all comfortable asking her that now and she chewed her lip. The deal was she always had to give an honest answer. It felt invasive, but she was a half dozen major panic attacks into her PTSD and her staff had made a valid point that if she didn’t cooperate, one day it would leak. “It was a bit distressing not knowing where any of you had gotten to, but I think I’m doing okay.”

“No symptoms we need to worry about?”

She shook her head. “And you’re here now.” She popped another chocolate in her mouth, giving Daisy a smile and getting one in return. “I am trying, you know.”

“I know. We all know.” She sighed. “Shall we circulate?”

It was comforting allowing Daisy to lead the way through the crowd, stopping a time of two to speak to someone. When Matt joined them, he willingly took the box from her hands, so she was able to move unimpeded; by then she’d eaten half of the small chocolates.

She decided she must be looking better than she felt if it was the two of them left to be by her side. There was a system in place based on how she was doing and while she wasn’t aware of the finer details, she was aware of its existence. With that thought in her mind, she allowed herself to finally relax and enjoy the party as best she could, only occasionally bringing a hand up to brush along the neckline of her gown or to fluff her hair back from where it began to stick against her skin. The room was warm and her dress heavy and hot. She found herself wishing for some water and a cool breeze.

“Are you okay?” She blinked, startled at how close Matt was suddenly standing. His gaze was worried at it fixed on her. “You don’t look very good.”

“I- I’m fine.” She had to clear her throat to get it out. “I could use a glass of water perhaps. It’s a bit warm in here tonight.”

His brows pulled together, forming a crease behind the bridge of his glasses. “Maybe we should find Blake.” He and Daisy were her chaperones when things were going well, but they defaulted to her assistant the moment they suspected anything was taking a turn.

She placed a hand on his arm. “I’m okay, Matt.” Absently, her other brushed against her stomach where it felt like butterflies were suddenly swarming. Her heart wasn’t racing though, nor her hands shaking, and she took that to mean her words were true.

“How about we step out for some air then?” Daisy already had begun guiding her through the crowd as Matt vanished into it, no doubt in search of Blake.

“Yeah. Okay.” There was no use arguing. It was part of her role to be compliant, to accept that there were times where they were reading a situation more clearly than she was.

The hall had a breeze that brought up goosebumps on her flushed skin. A slight shiver ran through her.

“Better?”

“I think so.” Her hand lifted from her stomach to her lips. “Maybe you were right, I just need a minute to sit down.” It was easier to let Daisy handle everything now. Without the distraction of the crowd, it seemed as if she was feeling worse instead of better. The butterflies turned to waves and once she was seated, she leaned back to breathe deep and will the waves to return to simple butterflies.

She sat in silence for what felt like an eternity before drawing a careful breath. “Daisy?”

“Yes, Ma’am?” Her voice was soft, worried.

“Do you know if there is a restroom along this hall?” She kept her eyes closed; not certain she could risk opening them if the room began to spin. “I think perhaps I ate something that didn’t agree with me.”

She caught the tiny, sharp inhale and then the click of Daisy’s shoes. “This way, Ma’am.” Gentle hands were helping her back to her feet and down the hall.

The door she was hoping for wasn’t too many steps away, for that she was thankful, and at first she mentally begged for the small splash of water on her face to bring things to rights again. Opening her eyes, she stared into the mirror, willing her body to let her have the rest of the evening without incident, but it was not to be. Turning quickly, she shoved her way into a stall.

Her body shook as she was split between not wanting to make a scene and wanting whatever was making her ill, out. “Ma’am?” She heard Daisy question but was in no condition to respond. Vaguely, she was aware of the younger woman retreating to the other end of the room to give her privacy and perhaps stand guard.

She was unsure how much time passed before she could hear the creak and clunk of the door opening and closing. Leaning back against one of the walls, she was subconsciously aware that she was now alone. More alone than she’d been earlier in the evening when she couldn’t find any of her staff. Drawing a ragged breath, she squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to block out the sights and smells of the room she was in.

Her entire body felt drained and exhausted when the door creaked and clunked again. “Ma’am?” It was Nadine’s voice this time followed by hands touching her arms, her face, her hair. Footsteps moved away, water ran a moment, and then the footsteps returned before a damp paper towel was brushed across her skin. “How are you feeling? Do you think you can stand?”

In the secret hierarchy of her staff when it came to caring for her, Nadine’s compassion tended to be held back the most. A silent divide between the two women, but when push came to shove, Elizabeth knew she was the one most observant to what needed to be handled.

“I- I just need a minute.” She wrinkled her nose against the smells.

“There’s a chair out here, come sit.” Nadine’s hands were on her arms again, encouraging her to stand, her voice gentle. “Jay went to have the cars brought around.”

“Thank you.” She swayed in the chair, worried she’d be ill right there until a waste bin appeared by her feet.

The door creaked again, and heavy footsteps entered. “I got a bottle of water.” Blake’s voice was a whisper. “Security said there’s a side entrance closer to here and with a more private exit.” She could feel his eyes on her. “Daisy mentioned food poisoning?”

There was a pause. “We all ate the same thing.” Nadine whispered in reply and Elizabeth could hear the doubt in her voice. A hand landing on her wrist finally made her look up at Nadine. “Water, Ma’am. Please, you need to drink it.” It wasn’t lost on her that her fingers were on her pulse point, no doubt checking to see if there was more to her feeling ill than she was admitting to.

She nodded, accepting the bottle once the lid was twisted off and tried to carefully take in the tepid water. “Here.” She passed it back urgently before reaching for the bin, trying to block out that she had an audience now that were no doubt exchanging concerned looks as the water instantly came back up.

When her body finally calmed again, she looked up to find Nadine watching her, face lined with concern, while Blake was speaking to someone through the crack in the door. “Do you think you could make it to the car now?”

“Maybe.” She pushed up, swaying but staying on her feet. Three steps later and Jay had joined Blake, both not seeming to care that this was a women’s restroom as they each took a side to walk her out, their hands holding her steady.

In the SUV again, the streetlights and headlights rushed and danced, making her head swim until she was forced to make use of the container someone had procured for her. Somewhere in her mind, as her muscles cramped from overuse, she thought that if she felt better, it would be embarrassing right now.

The bottle of water made another appearance in her field of vision, but she shook her head, pushing it away. She just can’t, it would just come up again and there’s already too much stimulation from the vehicle moving.

She felt herself slump and then sensed movement before a click and she’s free of the seatbelt and being eased to the side. Her body shivered again, skin flushed and hot and somewhere she became aware her head was now pillowed in Nadine’s lap, a heavy coat draped over her.

Faintly, through the haze of a slowly renewing urge to be ill again, she heard Nadine speak. Frank, I think we need to find a hospital to be safe.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Frank answered, his own concern bleeding through.

=MS=

She didn’t feel any more alive by the time the motorcade pulled up at the entrance to the hospital and she barely noticed at all when Jay opened the side door, surprised to find his boss laying down across the seat.

A conversation happened over her between Blake in the back and Jay, but all she heard was noise and then quiet again as the door shut. She forced her eyes open only to slam them shut again against the realization that it was a losing battle and tried to push herself upright as she reached the container on the floor.

A commotion to her side went unnoticed until there was another moment of fresh air bursting through the cabin and then it was Blake she was sagged against. Acceptance set in that she would be kept safe and she allowed herself to surrender to blackness.

=MS=

Elizabeth opened her eyes and intuitively knew this place didn’t make sense. Everything she could see was faded as if it’d been left too long in the hot sun. She also knew it was hot. Too hot. Sweat beaded at her hairline and trickled down her back. “Hello?”

“You need to rest.” The voice was distant, as faded as her surroundings and unfamiliar. “Don’t fight it.”

Her arms felt like lead. “Where am I?” She tried to turn her head, but it sent a sharp pain up her neck and she cried out.

“Come on, you need to relax.” The voice was there, somewhere beyond what she could see.

Forcing one foot in front of the other, she gasped against the effort as she tried to trudge across the landscape. Slowly, she walked all alone in this place she didn’t recognize.

An awareness came on gradually that her had was trapped in something, but when she looked down, it was free. She tried to open and shut it; the trapped feeling remained.

“We figured it out.” The voice morphed now, taking on a higher pitch. “We should have figured it out sooner.”

Was she supposed to figure something out? Where was she supposed to be? The sun began to burn brighter, heating her until she couldn’t help but cry out. Her skin felt like it might burn away, leaving her as nothing but tissue and bone. It was too intense, but there was no shelter here. No place for refuge.

The voice happened again, but it was too far now to comprehend, and it sounded blended up, parts of words and sounds rushing and whirling around.

“I’m too hot!” She tried to make the voice understand. “Make it stop.”

The voice didn’t return, but the trapped feeling did. Small spots on her arms, her hands, even her leg, but nothing was there.

The world dimmed, edges of everything going soft and out of focus. It was still too hot, but it was kinder somehow. She gasped and her muscles began to ache. She doubled forward to ease the pain across her stomach.

The voice returned, changed once again and much clearer now. “You’re scaring them. You need to calm down.”

Scaring who? She didn’t understand what she was supposed to be doing, but she grasped the idea of being calm. She remembered calm. Calm was yoga and whale sounds and breathing exercises. Calm was the gentle sway of a car with headphones in as she listened to piano music.

As if she’d summoned it by sheer will, music began to play. Twisting, she tried to figure out who was playing, but there was still no one.

She resumed trying to find someone in this deserted place, the music followed her as she walked though, she didn’t mind. She had no idea how long she’d been in this place, but it felt like days and seconds at once. Her hand and arm were trapped but not trapped again, but this time she paid it no attention.

Exhaustion set in slowly, like a creeping tide rising up her body until she was drowning in its pull.

=MS=

Bright light pushed against her closed eyelids, making her flinch away. She tried to raise one hand to block it, be her hand was caught in something.

Carefully easing her eyelids open, she looked at her surroundings, no longer sun bleached, but instead white and reeking of disinfectant. She twitched the fingers of the other hand, finding they moved freely, and she raised them to her chest. She was dressed now in a thin hospital gown and nestled under a pile of blankets, the weight of them holding her securely in place.

Rolling her head to the side, she stared down at the head resting near her hip and hand clinging tightly to hers. Beside him was a phone, the cord of headphones trailed up her body and she realized she must’ve been wearing them at some point.

She studied Blake as he slept. It looked like he was exhausted and worried, and her heart clenched as she wondered just what had happened overnight to leave him in such a state. “Blake.” She whispered it, hoping to rouse him gently. “Blake.”

His head popped up as if she’d shouted and he blinked, scanning the room. She could see now that he’d abandoned his coat and jacket at some point along with his tie. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up and the tails unticked. “Oh!” He seemed to realize what had disturbed his slumber. “You’re awake, Ma’am.” He moved to stand, but she held his hand. His eyes turned worried. “How do you feel?”

“What happened?”

“I- I should get the doctor in here…”

“Blake, what happened?” She didn’t want to hear it from a stranger.

“You- you were drugged. At the state dinner. You got violently ill and…” His eyes danced around the room. “You stopped being coherent fairly quickly. Nadine insisted you be taken straight to the hospital as you seemed to be getting worse as time went by. By the time we arrived… you were too weak and disoriented to move.”

Her brows knit together, she remembered sitting herself up in the SUV. “I don’t understand.”

“You began running a dangerous fever and seemed to be hallucinating. You- you couldn’t even tell the doctors who any of us were.” He frowned. “Jay had the box of chocolates you’d told him about and he gave them to the nurses. The legal side of things is being dealt with.”

“I handed the box to Matt.” She shook her head. It didn’t make sense.

His frown deepened. “Matt didn’t come on this trip… Ma’am.”

“What?”

“His mother had to have surgery, remember? At the last minute, he flew out to Illinois from DC.” The room was quiet for far too long before he cleared his throat softly and continued. “I’ve been keeping Henry updated.”

“He’s probably beside himself with worry.”

“He did try to get a flight to Egypt. I was able to talk him out of it.” He gave her hand a squeeze before pulling away to gather the phone and adjust her blankets. “I do need to get the doctor now and then we’ll talk some more, okay?”

“Yeah.” She watched him leave, a glimpse of her detail appeared through the doorway before it closed again.

Ten minutes later, a doctor strolled in, a file in his hand. “Madam Secretary, I’m extremely glad to see you alert and feeling a bit better. You had a very rough night I’m told.”

“I don’t remember anything.”

“That’s probably just as well. Though I’m sure your staff can fill in any holes. They didn’t leave the entire night, much to the disapproval of the nurses, though they did at least pull their own weight looking after you. You have good people working for you.”

“Yes, I do.”

“I’m going to check your vitals and then the breakfast cart will be around soon. Your assistant took the liberty of placing an order for you, so I hope you trust him.”

A smile curved on her face. “With my li- life.” Her voice broke. “With my life.”

The doctor nodded. “He seems fit for the trusting. He placed many calls to your private physician back in the states, running all of the courses of care through them before agreeing to anything.” He finished his assessments and turned to the door just as Blake stepped back in. “Ah, there he is. Start slow, water and then bland food. Your stomach has been through a lot.”

“Okay.” She nodded as Blake thanked him.

“Jay and Daisy want to come see that you’re really okay before heading back to the hotel. Can they come in a minute?”

“Sure. Wait, not Nadine?”

“They took the early shifts waiting with you when you were only mildly agitated. Nadine took over from Daisy when you started fighting the monitors and things because Daisy was getting upset seeing you that way. She sat in here for about six hours before I had to force her to lie down. I want her to sleep some more.”

“They’ve all been in here?”

He nodded. “It seemed like the music help calm you down. I- I don’t know what you remember.”

“Being hot. And alone.”

I’m not surprised on the hot, but you were never alone.” He drew in a deep breath and blew it out. “We made a decision though and you’re going to have to just live with it.”

“What’s that?”

“This was too easy for someone to accomplish. From now on, anything you eat or drink goes through one of us first.”

“Isn’t checking my food a bit excessive?”

His brows shot up. “You’re lying here because someone drugged you. No, it’s not excessive.”

She huffed. “Fine. I have one question though… What doctor were you calling?”

Blake chewed his lip. “Will. I called your brother Will.”

She considered that a moment. “Thank you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...... since there were requests for a "B side" so to speak, this is what I came up with. It's a bit different...

** Daisy **

“I don’t think I can do this.” She shook her head hard; this wasn’t in any job description anywhere.

“You will do it because this is what she needs right now.” Daisy could hear the force, the determination, the fear in Nadine’s voice.

The fear she understood.

“But…” She tried again, running her hand over her dress. They were all still in their formalwear. “This is so messed up.”

“I know.” Nadine’s voice had gone soft, gentle even. “I’ll be back in a bit to sit with her. I promise.”

“Yeah.”

The door clicked closed and she was alone, staring at her boss in a hospital bed. Elizabeth had been left alone already once that night, it was how this had been allowed to happen. They weren’t taking any chances it could happen again.

No matter how messed up it was.

Nervously, she made her way to the chair Jay had vacated, turning it so she was facing up at her boss before sitting and taking her hand. “Look… I’m sorry. We- we figured it out though. That you were drugged. We should have figured it out sooner… I should have figured it out sooner.”

There was no answer, no absolution. There was only the hushed _tick tick tick_ of the clock on the wall and the gentle _blip blip blip_ that said all was well. But it wasn’t well. It would never be well so long as her boss was lying there in a thin hospital gown, an oxygen line on her face and IVs and monitors all over her.

It would never be okay so long as Daisy could remember blown pupils and tiny beads of sweat.

=MS=

_The ballroom had been crowded. Daisy hadn’t even realized that they’d each been separated from the Secretary until Jay had appeared at her side, empty handed._

_There was a time when they would’ve smirked and clinked glasses at being free for the evening, but now… Now it made her breath catch. Now it made her worry that there was a panic attack they wouldn’t be able to prevent… or hide. Would this be the day the world saw firsthand the lasting legacy of striving for peace?_

_“This is bad, Jay.” She’d hissed before rushing away. It was bad. It was the potential of another panic attack, another outburst that seemed to have no cause, another night lying to diplomats and bribing reporters._

_She’d skirted the room first. They’d pressed on the Secretary the importance of moving to the edge of the room if ever there was a problem, if ever she was separated from them, if ever she needed a moment. It was easier to make an unnoticed escape from the edge. Daisy hoped that their reminders had sunk in._

_Along the third wall, Daisy found who she was looking for, spotting the emerald green gown before the person wearing it. She’d closed the distance, relieved to see a gentle smile on the Secretary’s face. No sign of nerves or impending panic._

_“Where did you get chocolates?” Dessert had been something fruity and foreign that she couldn’t name._

_Elizabeth had shrugged. “Someone brought them for me.” She’s looked up then and Daisy had been startled by how thin the line of blue was around her pupils._

_“Who?”_

_“I didn’t catch his name.”_

_A tendril of concern had started to crawl up her spine then as she’d watched her carry on eating the small pieces. With her boss, that answer could mean anything. It could be as simple as evasion, plenty of people knew of the Secretary’s sweet tooth and, despite Blake’s attempts to control it, many were more than willing to indulge her. But there was another option- that she truly didn’t know who gave them to her. Faces changed in diplomatic circles all the time._

_Daisy had been torn. Alarm bells had been going off in her head, but at the same time, her boss had looked so relaxed. Eventually, she’d put the odd feeling down to being so on edge about the Secretary’s anxiety and moved on. “How are you doing?”_

_“It was a bit distressing not knowing where any of you had gotten to, but I think I’m doing okay.”_

_“No symptoms we need to worry about?”_

_Elizbeth had shaken her head. “And you’re here now. I’m trying, you know.”_

_Daisy had wondered then if maybe they weren’t succumbing to Blake’s obsessive over-protectiveness. Perhaps their boss was bouncing back and didn’t need them hovering like they’d been doing._

_That feeling had lasted until they’d rejoined Jay._

=MS=

Elizabeth suddenly jerked under her hand and Daisy was slammed back into the dim hospital room.

Her eyes searched for some clue as to what might be happening. Her boss seemed to be fighting against something, fresh beads of sweat forming along her hairline. Jay had said it’d happened while he was sitting with her as well, but this… this was terrifying.

Daisy couldn’t take it and pushed to her feet, pulling the door open and searching for someone. “Something’s wrong!”

=MS=

** JAY **

He’d taken one look at his coworkers and had insisted on being the first one to sit in with the Secretary once she’d been admitted. Daisy’s eyes had been wide with panic and Nadine and Blake had both looked worn down with concern.

He shifted one of the chairs in the room to the bedside, wincing at the loud scarping sound it made as it moved. Turning it sideways, he adjusted it so he and Elizabeth would be side by side instead of face to face. Somehow, it made it easier to sit with her. As if somehow this was any other normal event in their lives.

But it wasn’t normal.

His chest ached over what had happened to his boss, his friend, in some ways, as Blake had put it- his sister. That one had amused him, but it fit.

He and Elizabeth had settled into a comfortable back and forth fairly quickly after her appointment and he’d found that for as often as they both seemed to enjoy the pushback from the other, they both equally enjoyed those moments where something they did made the other smile. He did, at least. He’d considered it a sign of a good working relationship until Blake had turned up one morning after riding in with their boss from her home looking somewhat shellshocked. When he and Elizabeth had a small spat later, Blake had shaken his head and been the one to mention she treated Jay like her brother.

What he hadn’t realized until he’d met Will for the first time was Blake had quite literally meant that she treated him the same way as she treated Will. With all the love and affection and irritation she had.

In the bed, Elizabeth gasped and flinched, making him frown. The doctor had said she just had to sleep it off for the most part, they were treating her, but she needed time. Jay reached for her hand and held it. “Elizabeth, you need to rest.” He wasn’t sure if she could hear him. “Don’t fight it. Just rest.”

She seemed to still, but something in him said it was only temporary.

“You know, Chloe still isn’t sleeping through the night. I could really use you waking up and telling me how to get her to do that. Or how to survive until she does.” He sighed, giving her hand a squeeze. “Her middle name is a family name, I didn’t lie about that, but… I did pick that particular family name because of you. I want her to grow up strong and fearless and not afraid to hold to her principles and morals even in the face of adversity.” He swallowed. “I want her to be the kind of woman that inspires other women to stand up too. I wanted her to have a namesake she could always look up to when things got hard.”

He shifted, leaning forward so his elbows were on his knees. “If she grows up to be half the woman you are, I’ll be damned proud.”

The room shifted into silence again. Only the _tick tick_ of the clock and the _blip blip_ of the monitor to keep him company. He hung his head.

=MS=

_Jay turned at Daisy’s voice to see she had their wayward boss trailing behind her. “You found her.” He’d kept his voice soft._

_“Tell me what you think.”_

_He wasn’t sure what she meant but turned his attention to Elizabeth who was fidgeting with her dress and tugging at her hair, running her fingers through, and ruining the effort that must’ve gone into styling it. “Ma’am?” He tried to catch her attention. “Ma’am? Are you okay?” He’d stepped closer and then could see the beads of sweat at her hairline and appearing along her upper lip._

_Looking her over, he got glimpses of dark tendrils of hair at the nape of her neck and caught the faint whiff of sweat. It reminded him of those times they’d gone running together. “You don’t look very good, Ma’am.”_

_She startled visibly at his presence and he finally saw her eyes. “I- I’m fine.” He heard her clear her throat. “I could use a glass of water perhaps. It is a bit warm in here tonight.”_

_He’d reached out and touched her arm, shocked at the heat radiating off her skin. “Maybe we should find Blake, hm?” He looked up at Daisy. “Let him decide.”_

_His worry had already been ratcheting up and then Elizabeth had spoken again, and he knew something was really wrong. “I’m okay, Matt.”_

_It stopped his breath and nearly his heart. “Ma’am?” She hadn’t responded, however. She’d seemed lost in her own world, her hands touching her cheeks, her stomach, her throat. His eyes had shot to Daisy’s, praying she had an idea of what to do. “I’ll find the others.” He’d whispered it before turning away._

_Leaving their side, he’d rushed in the direction he’d last seen them, thankful Nadine and Blake were both together. “Something’s wrong with the Secretary.” He’d had their undivided attention after that. “Really wrong.”_

_A text from Daisy had sent them on a course to her side and Daisy had stepped out to meet them. “She’s really sick. We need to get her back to the hotel.”_

_“How bad?” Blake had pushed._

_Daisy’s face contorted. “It’s bad.”_

_“Okay.” Nadine took charge then. “Blake, go make sure we have all our things and find bottles of water. Jay, go talk to her detail and see about getting the motorcade brought up.”_

_“She may not be able to walk out the front.” Daisy added._

_“Right. Do what you can, Jay.” Nadine left him to work it out._

_“Jay.” Daisy spoke up yet again. “We’ll need something for her to be sick into.”_

_He’d frowned but nodded._

=MS=

Sinking back into his chair, Jay scrubbed a hand over his face and rolled his neck. When she seemed to get more agitated, he took her hand again. “Come on, Elizabeth, you need to relax. Don’t fight your body trying to get through this.” She flinched beneath his hand. “You need to relax before you hurt yourself somehow.” Eventually, she seemed to calm again, but he didn’t let go.

He kept ahold of her hand until Daisy arrived.

=MS=

** Nadine **

Nadine was exhausted.

Exhausted and deeply troubled.

While she’d had friends when she was young who had gotten into drugs, she’d never tried anything hard herself. She’d seen enough bad trips and OD’s though for her heart to clench at the idea of what Elizabeth might be going through now.

She’d hoped to get some sleep before taking her turn, but when Elizabeth’s temperature had shot up and she’d started thrashing about, Daisy had fled and refused to come back in. So, resigned, she’d stayed. The boys were already both asleep and they needed their rest.

Sucking in a deep breath, she blew it out slowly, determined to keep her wits about her. “We need to figure out how to give Blake a raise.” She chuckled after a moment. “He’s pretty horrified that this happened, especially after he’s gone to such lengths to keep you safe at all times.”

One sided conversations were hard to keep up. Half the things she said, she only thought, but it still felt better than sitting in silence save for a soft tick and a muted blip and waiting for the next vitals check.

“You won’t be alone, no matter how long this takes. We’re all right here.” Or she was anyway, and Jay had been, Blake would be soon enough.

She’d have to have a long talk later with Daisy.

Her evening had started as they always did now while overseas- waiting for a knock on her door. Blake would turn up as soon as he was certain Elizabeth was showering and making motions to get ready, only leaving her side once he was satisfied that she was fine to be left unsupervised.

It had been odd to her in the beginning, Marsh had never had a PA, so having Blake around had been an intrusion she hadn’t been used to. Her brows used to arch at the m’lady way he’d cater to their boss’s every movement, anticipate with disturbing accuracy every mood, every want, the way he didn’t seem to flinch at every line crossed or hint of privacy that was invaded.

Now Nadine found she was thankful for it. For him. For the way he would communicate with a frown or pursed lips that something was amiss before anyone else could notice. For the way he absently patted his jacket pocket to confirm a little orange bottle and the way he kept updated music files on his phone.

For the way he wasn’t ashamed that they all knew he did those things. For the way he would sit, knee to knee, and hold Elizabeth’s hands in his and force her to do deep breathing exercises with him because that was the only way they would get done.

They really did need to find a way to pay him more.

Her eyes ran over Elizabeth again, checking to see if anything had changed before she let her mind wander.

=MS=

_She’d pushed he way into the bathroom and her heart had sank. “Ma’am?” The only response though had been continued gagging and heaving. She’d turned to the sink and had run paper towels under the tap, wringing them out before gathering herself. Right now, this wasn’t her boss, this was her friend. “Ma’am?” She brushed a hand over her skin, shocked at the heat. “How are you feeling?” Squatting down as best she could around both their dresses, she ran the damp towels over Elizabeth’s face. “Can you stand?”_

_There was little response and Nadine had weighed the likelihood that she would be able to physically move her without involving the others before Elizabeth seemed to realize she was there._

_“I- I just need a minute.”_

_“Take your time.” Nadine wiped her face again and then retreated, allowing her privacy to either gather herself or be sick again. The latter happened and the way Elizabeth began to sag concerned her. “There’s a chair out here, come sit.” Her skin had been so hot the towels had come away nearly dry. It took her full strength to help Elizabeth off the floor, but they’d made it. “Jay went to have the cars brought around.”_

_The car ride had worried Nadine more than anything had in a long time. Elizabeth alternated between rambling about things that made no sense, silence, and being ill until it seemed her body simply began to give out. “Blake, help me lay her down.”_

_“Yep.” She waited as he leaned over the seat and freed Elizabeth from her seatbelt, easing her sideways so her head was pillowed in her lap. “She’s shivering.”_

_“Because she’s burning up.” She began to work the pins free of Elizabeth’s hair so they wouldn’t dig into her scalp, combing back the sweat dampened locks. “I have a bad feeling about this.”_

_“Me too.”_

=MS=

It had been a blur. The next thing she remembered clearly was Daisy’s voice asking with fear if the Secretary was going to die.

She’d shaken her head even as she wasn’t certain about the answer and then had rounded the bed, ignoring the thrashing and the nurses speaking in rushed voices. “You’re scaring them. You need to calm down.” She repeated it again and again until it seemed Elizabeth had begun to respond.

=MS=

** Blake **

Pushing up off the plastic sofa in the family room they’d claimed as their space, Blake wiped away the trail of drool and then scrubbed at his eyes. Across the room, Jay was curled into the other sofa and Daisy was draped at odd angles over a chair.

This was not how he’d expected their night to go. He’d never thought they would end up crammed into a waiting room as their boss slept off drugs in her system.

Huffing to his feet, he grunted at the way stiff muscles screamed at being moved. The couch had been much too small and much too hard for him to get anything approximating restful sleep. He checked his watch and gathered his things to shuffle up the hall and relieve Nadine.

Quietly, he pushed the door open and peered in. “Hey.”

Nadine looked up at him a moment before her eyes cut back to Elizabeth.

“How’s she been?”

“Fitful.” She finally spoke.

“You look about how I feel.” That made her eyes snap sharply back to him again, daring him to comment further. “Sorry. That’s not… sorry.”

She sighed as he deposited his things. “Daisy bailed early and so I’ve been here since then.”

“Have you slept?”

“…No.”

“Nadine.”

“… When Roman was nine, he got sick. It developed into pneumonia. I watched him sleep in a hospital bed for days…I was all he had, and I needed to keep watch…”

He waited, then frowned. “But this isn’t Roman… and you’re not alone now.” Cautiously, he dropped a hand to her shoulder, hoping it gave her some comfort. Her hand came up to rest on his. “You should go sleep.”

“Soon… not yet.”

“Nadine.” He tried again. She needed looked after sometimes as much as their boss and he knew that she could be twice as stubborn.

She only shook her head though. “Not yet. If you’re going to insist on staying and keeping me company, grab the other chair and sit in it.”

His brows shot up at her tone, but he did as he was told.

He pulled a chair over and sat beside Nadine, sagging with exhaustion into the creaky plastic. “How the hell does this happen?”

“It happened because she’s bold and takes a stand.”

“We need to stop her doing that.” He deadpanned.

The room was quiet for a while before Nadine yawned and then sighed. “Fine. I’ll go sleep. As much as I can anyway. This dress isn’t exactly made for sleeping in.”

“That’s okay. The couch in there isn’t exactly made for sleeping on.” He slumped as she rose and gathered her things, giving his shoulder a squeeze before slipping out.

He moved to the chair closer to Elizabeth and sank down again. “What am I going to do with you? Huh? You just can’t stay out of trouble, can you?” He imagined her reply to that and huffed, one corner of his mouth lifting. “I called Henry to let him know. I would really appreciate it if you would stop making me have to make calls like that. I think he’s developing a stress response to my number showing up on his ID. I’ve also been talking to Will since I understand about twenty percent of what they’re saying and not just because it’s all medical jargon. It would be nice if our Arabic translator wasn’t drugged to her eyeballs right now.”

He dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling. The evening had started off fairly well- he’d gotten Elizabeth pushed toward her bathroom and had double checked that everything was in order for when she stepped out and then had left her to it, visiting Nadine to say all was well.

The drive and dinner had been unextraordinary also. They had followed the ‘day of a big public event’ schedule to a T. It had been fine. Until Jay appeared and said she was sick.

=MS=

_“I’ve got the water.” Blake slipped into the bathroom and paused at the look on Nadine’s face. “I sent more to the motorcade. Also, security said there’s a side door that’s private… Daisy mentioned it could be food poisoning?”_

_She drew a breath and held it a moment, shaking her head. “That wouldn’t explain the rest of it. You should see her eyes. Not to mention, we all ate the same thing.”_

_“And she’s the only one ill.” He’d finished._

_“Jay mentioned she’d had a box of chocolates in her hand when he caught up with them. Maybe it could have been a reaction to something in one of those.”_

_“I’ve never known her to have a food allergy. I mean, it’s possible, but…” He’d trailed off. Neither she nor Henry had ever mentioned it to him._

_He played the possibility of it being that simple over in his mind as Nadine tried to ply the Secretary with the water, only for it to come back up moments later. He’d anxiously chewed his lip, hovering out of the way until Nadine sent a begging look his way. Moving then, he’d knelt in front of Elizabeth and tried to catch her attention, finding himself floored at the face that turned up to him. He’d backed off again and turned to Nadine. “I’ll see if the car is ready.”_

=MS=

With a grunt, he lifted his head back up, blinking away the sleep trying to form. Elizabeth was restless again, so he dug around in his coat until he located his phone, thumbing through until he had the playlist ready to start. Unwinding the headphones, he tucked them into place, pressing play before finding extra blankets to cover her with.

In the aftermath of Iran, Blake had sat one evening at the McCord home, ostensibly to aid in Elizabeth reviewing some binders but he’d assumed it was more to babysit his boss. His guess had been made on the fact that it had been Henry’s ask as he’d had a meeting he couldn’t bow out of and the binders had not been anything urgent. It had been during the early days when her anxiety had run high all the time and panic attacks came regularly. He hadn’t been able to draw his eyes away from the piano in the corner and had eventually slid behind it to ease the itching in his fingers. When he’d looked up again, she’d looked so relaxed that he’d gone home that night and had begun filling his audio files with music.

He let his mind carry on wandering down memory lane for a while, allowing the distraction to keep him awake. He thought back to his nervous first day in Foggy Bottom, certain he wouldn’t be able to keep up. He wandered back further, to the afternoon he’d stopped by the farm to hand over a paper only to be met with a giggling tipsy Elizabeth and poor Henry trying to keep his composure over his wife’s antics. He could still remember the embarrassment he’d felt at her heartfelt introduction of him to Henry that included all the ways she thought he was the most amazing student she’d ever had.

He tried to skirt the bad memories. The ones when a plan didn’t pan out and he’d find her later, sitting quiet and introspective. The ones when she’d hit her limit and would turn to him, begging for a way to catch her breath. The ones more recently, that his coworkers never saw. Like the night her detail had called him, hours after they’d left, near begging he come meet them in Montrose Park. They hadn’t been able to locate Henry, and he was their next call.

Blake shook his head to clear the memory away before it crept in. Now wasn’t a good time to replay that night. It would never be a good time, as far as he was concerned.

Shifting in the chair, he leaned forward over the bed, taking Elizabeth’s hand. “We’ve gotten through bad moments before, we’ll get through this one too.” Folding his other arm on the bed, he leaned forward first resting his head on his hand and then, after a minute, tipping it to the side so he was looking up at her. It was far more comfortable here that it had been in the waiting room.

=MS=

Sitting up, he kept his hand on the one in his and he tried to work out what disrupted his sleep. It was morning finally, the room lit by the sun. “Oh!” He startled when he realized blue eyes were looking down at him. “You’re awake, Ma’am. How do you feel?”

“What happened?”

He tried to pull away, but she held on. “I should get the doctor in here…”

“Blake… What happened?”

He weighed his words before answering, watching confusion play across her face.

“I don’t understand.”

He carried on outlining the evening the rest of them had, concerned when she was confused the Matt wasn’t in Egypt with them. Not wanting to linger on the lapse in her memory, he moved on to sharing he’d been keeping Henry updated before finally freeing himself from her grasp and the room.

He spoke with the nurse assigned to her before quietly letting himself into the waiting room. Daisy was awake and Jay looked like he was on his way. “She’s awake.” He whispered it, tossing a glance to Nadine still asleep. “The doctor is on his way to look her over.”

The pair sighed. “I guess we can start planning to head back to the hotel then?” Jay stood and stretched. “I want to see her first.”

“Of course.” He agreed. None of them would rest easy until they were certain this was behind them. “I’ll mention it to her. I just… don’t wake Nadine yet. She was pretty exhausted earlier, and it’s only been a few hours.”

“Sure.”

=MS=

“You should try and eat a few bites.” He tried to be encouraging. The doctor and nurses had been and gone as well as Jay and Daisy. Blake was back in the chair he’d spent the early hours of the morning sitting watch in. He watched her frown. “What is it?”

She huffed and shook her head. “My mind is trying to get past…” Her eyes darted everywhere around the room but at him. “Now on top of everything else I have to wonder if every bite I take will be the one that does me in for good.”

He glanced at the plate of hospital breakfast and back to her. “They aren’t going to let you go until you eat something.”

A frown curved down her face and he could see and hear that the threat of tears was creeping up. “I can’t.”

He chewed his lip, tossing a glance to the closed door. Now that she was awake, the blinds were drawn to give her privacy. “Okay.” His attention came back to her. “You’ll eat once we leave?”

He watched her swallow and nod. “Promise.”

Slowly, he pulled the plate across the table and lifted the fork, hesitating again as he looked her over. “I’ll go out and get you whatever you want, no rules this time.”

She tried to offer him a crumpled smile. It didn’t take much for him to see how bothered she was becoming by the idea of eating after what she’d just been through and it would open up a lot of questions if they shared her medical history now to try and explain why she was struggling. “Okay.” It was almost a gasp.

“And then you can take your meds and relax.”

She nodded.

“Okay.” He pushed around the eggs a bit, stabbing them onto the tines and taking a bite. He kept his eyes on her until the food was two-thirds gone, hoping it would be enough to satisfy the requirements of the doctor. “I’ll go see about getting you released then.” He stood and made it to the door.

“Blake?” He turned fully back to face her; a tear was tracking down one cheek. “Thank you.”


End file.
